Cut the Crap...or 40 Bags in 40 Days

Well, I'm not Catholic and therefore don't typically practice/follow/participate in the Lent tradition...however, I am a big believer that it takes 40 days to make a habit stick!  I also do much better with a plan and a goal.  So starting today, I will be participating in the 40 Bags in 40 Days challenge.  Here it is:

From March 5th-April 19th (with Sunday's off), I will clean, sort and purge from one area in our house, figuratively "filling" 40 bags/boxes/bins to trash, donate or set aside for our upcoming moving sale.  Yes, each area I clean may not fill a bag, but the idea is to purposefully clean out one area in our home everyday.

I first read about 40 Bags challenge over at White House Black Shutters and at Clover Lane.  Both blogs offer printables (and I love me a printable!) to help you divide up the house and keep you on track.

I am going to focus on my filthy car, the garage, the bins and bins of craft stuff in the basement, the monumental amount of kids toys, old teaching supplies and games, the outdoor toys that just sit in the toy box, and outgrown/torn/stained kids clothes.  With our upcoming move and our decision to downsize our home, this is the perfect challenge at the perfect time!!! We have given our landlord notice and she will be listing the house for rent this week, so I really do need to focus on cleaning up and clearing out to help show the house for her.  And really, one bag, one area a day is completely manageable and reasonable and I feel so much better when things are (rarely) clean and organized!

So here goes nothing...I'm off with my target bag to tackle the kids bathroom!

Chicken Parmesan Meatballs and Greek Burgers

I LOVE both of these recipes, LOVE!!!! These are absolute keepers and I will definitely be making a double batch next time and freezing what we won't be using for the week.  They are both LOADED with flavor, lean protein, and budget friendly.  The addition of quinoa adds a healthy carb and also stretches the amount of meat. My kids devoured the burgers and Savannah even asked for seconds...a rarity in this house!

I made both at the same time to cut down on the process, chopping everything ahead, mixing at the same time, and rolling/making patties at the same time so I didn't have raw meat mess twice.  I also cooked the burgers on the stove while the meatballs cooked.

Chicken Parmesan Meatballs (makes 18)
1 package lean ground chicken
Fresh oregano, basil and parley--finely chopped
2 cloves garlic--minced
1/2 cup cooked quinoa
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese
1 egg
18 small cubes fresh mozzarella cheese
1/2 cup organic marinara sauce
Olive oil
Salt and pepper

Turkey and Quinoa Greek Burgers
1 package lean ground turkey
3/4 cups cooked quinoa
Fresh oregano, basil and parsley--finely chopped
2 cloves garlic--minced
1/2 cup low fat/fat free feta cheese
1 egg
2 tablespoons dijon mustard
Salt and pepper

1. Preheat the oven to 375 and line a cookie sheet with foil.  Put the ground turkey and chicken in large mixing bowls with cheese, quinoa and egg

2. Add fresh chopped herbs and garlic, salt and peppers and dijon (in the turkey mixture)
3. Mix ingredients together.  I found the chicken mixture to be a bit wet so I added about 1/4 cup breadcrumbs to help bind it together

For the meatballs:
4. Using a tablespoon, measure 1 heaping tablespoonful of the chicken mixture and roll into a ball.  Portion all of the chicken into about 18 meatballs.

5. Press a cube of cheese into each ball and roll it into the middle
6. Mix olive oil and marinara sauce together and put one teaspoon on top of each meatball

7. Cook for 20-22 minutes or until lightly browned

For the burgers:
5. Form 1/4 cup of the mixture into a small patties

6. Cook on a lightly oiled grill pan for about 4 minutes on each side or until cooked through.
7.  I served the kids sliders on hawaiian sweet rolls with spinach leaves, avocado and a slice of tomato.  I ate mine without a bun, with a dollop of homemade greek yogurt ranch, halved cherry tomatoes and diced avocado.

This is my second time making the burgers and I found it EXTREMELY easy to make both recipes at the same time and way easier on the clean up!  I also love having the main portion of two healthy dinners prepared before the chaos of the school week starts!  Let me know what you think!  These are definitely two of my most favorite recipes that I've thrown together...enjoy! 

Black Bean Hummus

I love hummus, but I find that the store bought stuff is expensive, relatively flavorless, and tends to go bad before I use it up...and I hate wasting food!!  I also really like being able to control the acidity, salt, spices and fresh herbs, and the amount of oil when I make it myself.  This is my most recent favorite.  Even Stephen has said he likes it (and he wrinkles his nose anytime I mention hummus!)

2 can black beans, rinsed

2 cloves garlic

1/3 cup fresh cilantro

Juice of 1 lemon and 1/2 lime

1 tablespoon Sirracha or other hot sauce

1/3 cup olive oil

Salt and pepper to taste

1. Pulse the garlic and cilantro until coarsely chopped

2. Add beans, lemon juice, olive oil, hot sauce, salt and pepper and mix until almost smooth.  I usually stop and scrape the sides about halfway

3. Store in airtight container in the refrigerator and serve with organic tortilla chips and veggies

Zucchini Boat Pizzas

You know those kids, the ones who can find something wrong with any meal...well, I have three of those kids and they are surprisingly ate these without too much of a fuss!  I made them two weeks in a row to test their willingness to eat them and both times it was a relative success (I did have to sprinkle a little extra parmesan cheese on top to get them to dig in--extra cheese or a dollop of greek yogurt are my go to toppings to "bribe" them to eat) .  I, however, LOVE them and ate the leftovers for a quick lunch the next day!  It's just the right amount of cheesy splurge without the guilt of loading up on zero-nutritional-value crust and the flavor is great.  The first time I used mozzarella cheese, the second time I used a mix of cheddar/jack/mozzarella because I had just a little of each that I wanted to use up.  I also used organic marinara and turkey pepperoni. These are making a regular rotation on my menu! 

3 Zucchini
Salt, pepper and dried Italian seasoning
Shredded mozzarella cheese
Pizza or marinara sauce
Pepperoni (or any other topping of your choice)

1. Preheat oven to 375 and line a baking sheet with foil (for easier cleanup)
2. Slice zucchini in half, scoop the seeds and part of the flesh out with a spoon to make a "boat"
3. Sprinkle the inside of the zucchini with salt and lay flesh-side down on paper towels for 5-10 minutes to drain a little of the moisture out.  Then use the towels to wipe the moisture and extra salt off and arrange in the baking sheet

4. Season the zucchini with pepper and Italian seasoning 
5. Spoon the marinara into the hollowed out space
6. Cook for 10 minutes, until zucchini begins to soften

7. Remove from oven and sprinkle with cheese and toppings
8. Continue to cook until cheese bubbles, out 5 min

Easy, healthy and yummy! 

My Story: Part 2

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

When I learned about Save a Warrior, I was pretty much at my rock-bottom.  I felt like I had failed as a wife.  I was floundering as a mother.  I was struggling to get through each day without arguing with Stephen, yelling at the kids, breaking down and crying over the smallest things.  I was also trying my hardest to put up a pretty front to everyone else.  I was sure our neighbors knew things weren't all roses and sunshine; we lived in a small community, close houses, surely they had heard us yelling, noticed my red eyes and tears and bad excuses.  I played it off to the best of my ability; blamed being stressed about the move, finding a house, looking at schools and programs for our oldest child, said Stephen had duty or was working late, blamed it on a difficult day with the kids...I became pretty good about finding a reason to cover my real pain.  

I had the information about Save a Warrior and I was skeptically hopeful that it could help Stephen.  I was clinging to that hope because it was all that I had left.  I had prayed for a miracle, asked God to give me strength and wisdom, to show me the way.  I knew I needed to approach Stephen about attending and I was truly scared.  At this time, his temper was volatile and I was weak.  I knew this would be a fight.  I knew he would resent me for suggesting it.  I knew he'd be angry.  He'd probably walk out.  I was prepared for the worst.  And I wasn't too far off.  

He did yell, I cried.  He walked out, I cried some more.  We hardly spoke for two weeks.  And again, I waited.  I chewed on the wise words from Jake and Suzi and the advise from Bobby.  I gave it some time to sink it.  I tried my best not to pester him about it even though I was dying inside for an answer.  I had given him an ultimatum and now the ball was in his court.  Reluctantly (and admittedly mostly to get me to off his back) he called Jake.  The conversation was short, but apparently whatever Jake said resonated with Stephen.  He then called Bobby. That call was a little longer and by the end of the call, Stephen was signed up for a spot with Cohort 005 in Malibu.  

To say I was surprised would be an understatement.  We didn't talk about it...just went about making plans to move to Virginia, neither one of us sure about how this week away would change our lives.  The next week I was on a plane to look for a home for us, signed a lease, and began plans for another cross-country move...all with signed divorce papers sitting on my nightstand waiting to be filed.  Those papers haunted me and I was virtually paralyzed with the fear that I was making a huge mistake by moving with him.  But we had agreed: if he attended Save a Warrior, the kids and I would move to VA.  

In July, I watched as the movers packed our house, I packed my SUV for Virginia, and Stephen packed his truck for Malibu.  Again, I could see the Lord's hand as the timing for our cross-country move and Cohort 005 fell into place.  Stephen had checked out of his command and was already approved for leave to move.  Cohort 005 was scheduled that same week.  Stephen would be able to seek help for PTSD without having to get the approval of his command (this is a big issue for Active Duty warriors and something Stephen will later begin to work on changing). I would be making the four day drive across the country by myself with our three kids, racing to beat the moving truck.

Stephen left for Save a Warrior the second week of July and I wouldn't see him again for two weeks.  We would speak to him just a few times that week he was in Malibu; I would fall asleep each night praying for a miracle, I would start crying during long stretches of interstate, I would feel panicked driving through massive thunderstorms, I would lose my patience with the wild kids cooped up in the backseat.  

Stephen came home with a sense of calm, he smiled more.  After several weeks, we were able to talk about our circumstances without hurting each other.  We made the commitment to wait at least six months before filing any papers or taking any steps to separate and we agreed to spend the next few months working on ourselves, rather than trying to fix each other.  

(You can read about Stephen's experience on the Save a Warrior blog here) 

I would be a complete liar if I said the decision to stop focusing on fixing our marriage, stop worrying about what Stephen was doing or not doing, and turning the focus to myself and my actions/hurt/history/future was easy.  It's hard to look in the mirror and be honest with yourself when you've been playing pity party for so long.  

I can say now, six months post Save a Warrior, that Stephen and I have graduated from the individual counseling to working on our relationship as husband and wife.  We have learned so much more than I can type about relationships, how they have built us up and also broken us down.  We can see where our individual strengths and weaknesses play into our actions and how to respond with principle and purpose rather than fear and sadness.  Most importantly, we are able to speak openly, without fear of judgement, for the first time in years.  With each other, with our families, our children, our friends and the ever growing Save a Warrior family that we now have.  I used to count my blessings on one hand: three beautiful children, health, a husband with amazing courage and strength, comfort in our earthly possessions, and friends and family who have supported us throughout our lives.  I now add the family at Save a Warrior to that group.  Jake, Bobby, Suzi, Dusty, Ryan, Philip, the men Stephen has met along this journey and the wives I've been blessed to meet: You didn't just Save a Warrior in July, you saved his family as well.  And I can't say thank you enough.  

My Story: Part 1

I guess you might be wondering what brought about this big three sixty project...on the outside it seems I have a pretty charmed life and little reason to think I need an overhaul.  So here's my story, part one; it's an honest and painful story to tell:

Stephen and I started 2013 preparing for divorce. I wallowed, I pouted, I yelled, I cried, I blamed, I minimized, I worried...and I waited for a year.  

Stephen and I met 11 years ago and we have been through the invasion of a country, 11 years of war in two countries, four deployments, years apart for school and training, five moves, three kids; we have dealt with separation, betrayal, reconciliation, joy and pain.  But I can honestly say, that period of waiting was the longest year of my life.  

When things began to unravel, it went fast. We had been through two years of dramatic ups and downs with two cross-country moves, schools and graduations, a house we couldn't sell, cars falling apart, a not-quite-expected pregnancy, separation for another school, the fourth deployment...and all the while, Stephen was struggling with PTSD and TBI that he was ashamed to talk about and I was just trying to hold on to an out of control train that had become my marriage.  My reaction was less than dignified.  I was so embarrassed and scared to admit that anything was wrong.  Stephen and I swapped blows to each other, tested each other, made promises to each other, hurt each other deeply and yet still loved each other and our three young children deeply.  To say this is a confusing place is an understatement.  Around Christmas 2012, we had come to the painful agreement that divorce was all that we had left. 

January started without the hope for a "happy" New Year...we were basically in a holding pattern, waiting for the Marine Corps to make its next decision for Stephen's career.  It seemed imprudent to file the papers when we didn't know what the next step for the breadwinner would be.  So, like I said above, I waited.  And it stunk.  

During the next four months, some choices were made that compromised both any remaining chance of reconciliation for us and also jeopardized Stephen's career.  In retrospect, Stephen will admit that he was deliberately trying to ruin our marriage, searching for a way to fill the adrenaline void left by prolonged exposure to combat.  I would learn that years of codependence had taught me to take zero fault and accept no responsibility for my contributions to this failure.  

I had become a blame machine and a self-pity master.  I spent a considerable amount of time worrying about myself, finding completely useless ways to make myself feel better, make Stephen look worse, and punishing him for what I chose to see as his fault.  I saw a therapist who agreed with me and validated my feelings of betrayal and sadness, talked to friends who took my side and tried to empower me to just walk away, pushed Stephen's buttons just to prove that I was right about his anger.  If I had told you this story last April, you would see me as the victim and Stephen as the jerk. I had become good at hiding my pain in public, and that is exhausting! 

When the Marine Corps issued orders to Virginia, we had some big decisions to make.  Would I move with him or stay in California with the kids (my family was there), would I move to VA and we lived separately, would I move to a neighboring state and begin a new career there...these decisions literally consumed me.  I spent hours researching licensing requirements, housing options, divorce laws, new career options, schools, childcare costs.  I was a hollow shell of the mom and wife I used to be and my kids suffered. They saw me cry more than they should have and were the unnecessary recipients of much frustration and yelling. 

As decision time approached, I was told about Save a Warrior.  After conversations with founder Jake Clark, cohort shepherd Bobby F. and provider Suzi Landolphi, I was encouraged to approach Stephen about attending the program to address his PTSD and to look into Al Anon to find support for myself. I was scared. I was actually terrified.  I prayed about it for a few days, accepted that the Lord will challenge us but also lift us up, and realized that I had been asking Him for an answer.  Jake guaranteed me that Stephen would have a spot in the July cohort, but I had to get Stephen to call.  

I approached Stephen about the project in June...the next six months would prove to be life-changing for both of us. 

A Complete Three Sixty {5}

He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20

I spent over half of last year being "hopeful", setting out with all of my plans to make things better, thinking I could will things to go my way if I wanted them badly enough, but completely overlooking the Lord's timing for HIS plan.  I spent quite a lot of time trying to change other people, knowing that acknowledging my contribution to our problems was more painful to face than trying to change someone else first. I was trying to move a very big mountain with all that was left of my faith at that point (a very small mustard seed in deed), but my faith was misplaced.  I had all but given up my submissiveness to our Father, was praying desperately for what I WANTED to happen rather than what NEEDED to happen in my heart, my home, my marriage.  

Then one day I let go.  Or at least I tried.  And I practiced.  And it was PAINFUL.  I began to look at me, at what has been woven together to make me the woman I am, what I like about me and what I don't like about who I had become.  I decided to let go of a BIG excuse...your circumstances do not define you, your actions however do!  Martha Washington said, “The greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.” Well ain't that the truth!! Together, Stephen and I have spent the last six months learning about ourselves, focusing our efforts on becoming the best possible version of ourselves that we can be, and finding along the way that we are better partners, better parents, better people all around!  

This blog is my place to focus my efforts this new year on the important things: family, faith, health and HAPPINESS!  I recently read The Happiness Project by Gretchin Rubin and sought out to make my own list.  I understand the way she organized her project, in month by month goals for the purpose of her book...I think it suits me better to make a list and celebrate my little accomplishments as they occur, rather than on a schedule.  So, I am asking for accountability to try my best this year to improve these areas of my life:

• A clean start- cut out all of the additives and preservatives that I strongly believe are killing our bodies and our minds
• Be healthy and strong 
• Waste less, use less, donate more
• Make time for what makes me happy- healthy cooking, yoga, exercise
• Practice patience- with my kiddos, husband, friends and family, and even the morons you speak to when you call Verizon or Well's Fargo
• Raise awareness and give back- continue raising donations for Save a Warrior through the Run for a Warrior project
• Speak up- be my own advocate for what I need
• Save (really, actually save this time) 
• Practice meditation daily
• Be Mindful- fullness of attention, non-distraction, living in the moment
• Cut the clutter, keep it clean, stay organized
• Read more and practice my daily devotions

Well, there you have it...might seem ambitious and you are probably thinking that resolutions are made to be broken.  But the good news is that I've already started!  Run for a Warrior is up and growing, I completed Transcendental Meditation last month, we have already cut about 65% of the artificial foods from our household, our savings account and an allotment are set up.  See, I'm already on my way!  


I promise one thing, this blog will be nothing if not honest, raw and honest.  I spent a really long time pretending that things were all rainbows and unicorns on the outside, when I was crying and crumbling on the inside and I've learned that sharing your story may actually help someone else.  I hope you enjoy reading these posts, maybe learn a good recipe, tip or trick to save at home, share in my struggle with being a patient momma, laugh with me when succeed, pray with me when I fail. 

Wishing everyone a happy and blessed New Year!